Podcast Ep: 03 “How to Apologize”

Our podcast series on conflict continues with “How to Apologize”.  Laura throws her husband under the bus and Zach talks about how much he hates the words “I’m sorry.”  They discuss a formula for how to apologize effectively and how both partners have a role. They also discuss why “forgive and forget” is a bad strategy.

Key Takeaways:
  • R = Recognize
  • E = Empathize
  • C= Commit
  • If you’re receiving the apology, either accept it, or ask for what you still need.

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Time Stamped Show Notes:

  • 00:25 – What was the last thing you purchased that you got in trouble with your partner over?
  • 02:13 – I actually hate the words, “I’m sorry.”
  • 03:16 – I don’t want you to say “I’m sorry, I want you to apologize.”
  • 03:28 – We’ve been talking about “repair” a lot, and an apology is just another word for repair. It’s a coming back together after there’s been an injury, or harm, or foul.
  • 04:28 – R.E.C. is a helpful method and memorable way of how to apologize.
  • 04:36 – RECOGNIZE that you did it. That something you did had an impact on your partner. “That thing I did actually happened and it upset you. You’re not crazy.” Own it.
  • 05:50 – EMPATHIZE with them. “This happened. I did it. And if it happened to me, I would probably be upset as well.”
  • 06:10 – COMMIT to some kind of change. “Babe, I don’t want you to feel like that. I’m going to work hard on not having that happen again.”
  • 06:46 – An apology ought to have a sense of remorse, but it doesn’t have to mean “I’m a sorry human being”.
  • 08:00 – Sometimes you don’t know what the steps are, and maybe the commitment to change is going, “Yeah, tell me what you need to make this better. I’m interested in repairing this relationship, so tell me what you need.”
  • 08:23 – If the goal is to stay connected over the long haul, you’ve got to give a little R.E.C.
  • 09:03 – An apology isn’t complete until it’s accepted. After an apology your partner has two choices: 1) “I accept your apology, or 2) “Thanks a lot for that, but I still need you to understand this…or do that.”
  • 09:48 – Forgive and remember.
  • 10:07 – Key takeaways…