Podcast Ep: 01 “How to Avoid Conflict”

This week, we’re starting a whole new series focused on the most relevant issues to our clients and talking about them in ways that matter to you. Our first series is about conflict. It’s the issue — or at least the word — that comes into our offices most often.

Check out Episode 1 of Marriage Therapy Radio below and learn how your conflict may not be as unique or severe as you think.

Ep: 01  “How to Avoid Conflict”

Time Stamped Show Notes:

  • 01:03 – Two things to understand about conflict that will make their lives so much easier.
  • 01:40 – 100% of couples have conflict
  • 02:20 – Conflict takes lots of different forms. It’s not just yelling. It’s often more subtle.
  • 02:50 – What are your conflict patterns? How does it start? How does it go? How does it finish?
  • 03:25 – Conflict is intimate. It’s one of the privileges of being in a relationship.
  • 03:50 – Rebecca and I have conflict all the time, and we’re okay with that because we’ve gotten really good at “repair”.
  • 04:04 – Staying connected, even in the midst of conflict, is more important than “resolve”.
  • 04:10 – About two-thirds of the conflict in your relationship can’t be resolved. It’s hardwired into the relationship. It is who you are. Rebecca is an extravert and I’m an introvert. That will never change and is a source of conflict for us at every party we ever go to.
  • 04:43 – An unusual – but effective story of “repair” – for one couple
  • 06:52 – Couples need different strategies for “repair”
  • 07:00 – “Repair”, and staying connected, is more important than “resolve”.
  • 07:07 – Not being able to repair is one of the primary predictors of divorce. Couples that don’t master this skill are in trouble.
  • 09:35 – Key takeaways…
Key Takeaways
  • Conflict is unavoidable.
  • Conflict is an opportunity for intimacy.
  • “Repair” is more important than “resolve” (i.e. it’s more important to stay connected than it is to fix it).

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